The Garden
Chapter 1 in which we will meet Jacob and his lame father, too.
And we will get to know about their worries.
Lady Teresa will also be present.
Welcome.
Good morning.
I was expecting you tomorrow...
I have something finished for you already.
Undress.
Just a minute, darling.
Teresa, don't be a fool.
What's wrong with you?
You know, I need a longer warm-up.
Do you feel it?
What?
Here...
and here.
A small bump.
Maybe I've got cancer.
You aren't serious, are you?
And here. Now here...
Do you feel it?
I've just started to feel something.
You "bad boy".
What are you doing, Jacob?
Mrs. Teresa is my customer.
And you lady, you are married.
You have two little kids. What's wrong with you?
Why are you covering her! Get dressed.
Look at him. Look at the way he looks.
You're sick!
Go and finish that dress.
Why should I go? This is my flat!
Leave us alone, father.
When will you ever be gone?
You're stuck here, just doing nothing...
It's a holiday. Within two weeks it'll be over and I'll start teaching.
To hell with teaching.
You've been teaching for ten years and you don't even have money to buy your own flat.
I've had enough.
Varu.
Here. Take it.
It pisses all over the place. It stinks!
You should get him fixed.
Don't listen to him, Varu.
He doesn't like you.
Sell grandfathers' garden and buy a flat...
So that I won't have to see you around here any more.
Chapter 2 in which Jacob, exhausted by vicious urban life,
comes to the Lord's garden and experiences a variety of occurences.
Secret writings will be discovered, too.
The year of our Lord 1912.
Observations of nature:
The bat has an unbelievably strong desire.
It doesn't practice any typical way of mating.
When a male meets a male alone,
or a female meets another female,
they have sex immediately.
Chapter three in which Jacob will decide to put things in order,
he will taste of dog's insidiousness , and meet a mysterious maiden.
Get lost!
Is that your animal?
Don't shout at him.
He's afraid of you.
Leave me alone!
Go away!
Hold your dog!
It's going to eat me.
Go away, you beast!
Get out of here!
Will he come back?
I don't know. It wasn't my dog.
Where did you get that?
My mom's beaten me.
Here too.
Last time she whipped me with a hose.
Do you see?
What's your name?
Helena.
My mother thinks I'm nuts.
What are you?
In the very beginning, when the world was being created,
God gave to the Sun, the Moon and to the other planets certain power,
which they sent to the earth,
and without which, neither the plants, nor the animals and the man
would be able to reproduce the way they do at present.
How many planets are there?
Apart from the Sun, there are seven big ones.
The Goodmaster, the Beautylady, the Earth,
the Deathbreeder, the Kingpower, the Hunger-Ice, the Heavenlady.
Chapter four in which Jacob will meet Benedikt, who wants to be a saint.
He will taste pieces of his wisdom and learn humility.
Chew it.
What have you done today?
Nothing.
You don't live good.
Making bread is God's gift.
It helps us to fight temptation and sin.
What will remain after you are dead
if you are doing nothing?
And what should I do?
Wash my feet.
The Lord has talked to me.
He woke me up and told me:
"Benedikt, if you want to be a saint,
stop wandering."
"Find a place you will love, and build a house there."
"Breed herds and cultivate fields."
"So that time shall not be your enemy."
Do you think there is a God?
Only God knows.
An agnostic answer.
You're fine. You haven't seen him.
But I have. I've talked to the Lord.
And now I have to live up to it.
Hey, hey, come on...
What beautiful herds... [singing]
Chapter 5 in which inexperienced Jacob
has to challenge the traps of maternal love.
Also, a poor chicken will be made to fall asleep by mediums of black magic.
And Jacob will not trust what his own eyes see.
She's come to apologize.
Why?
Don't be angry. She'll throw herself at any man.
Some guys even take advantage of it, you know...
Why do you beat her?
Me?
She always tortures me this way.
What have you made up this time?
We were in our fifties when we had her.
She's stupid! She's not even able to write.
I am.
Do you see? She's lying again.
NONSENSE!
Open it for me.
She's completely like her father.
He was crazy, too.
He was sleeping all the time.
Then I sent him to a hospital
and he wouldn't wake up any more.
Chapter six in which Jacob will not get along with lady Teresa,
he will come back to the Lord's garden
though wild wasps are around.
Hello.
Teresa, go away.
Leave me alone, Teresa. Stop it.
Go! Run away!
Get lost or they'll sting you.
What are you doing here?
We haven't seen each other for a week and you ask me such a silly question.
What do you want from me?
It itches so much.
Then scratch it.
It's swelling.
Undress.
Here.
I went to a doctor yesterday.
And what?
I'm OK.
I thought I had a tumor.
But they told me everything was all right.
Hold on until it dries.
I need to feel you inside me all the time.
All the time...
What is it?
It's you.
Come back with me.
I've got stings everywhere.
What will you tell to your husband?
I don't know. I'll make up some story.
I think we should end this.
Don't say that, not even as a joke.
Or I'll kill you.
Get out.
You can take a bus from here.
I thought you would go with me.
I'll stay for a couple of days.
Do you really want to leave me here?
Take it for your children.
The bus will be here in a while.
With the Lord's help, I'll have brewed plum spirit in the fall of this year.
It came out well, above our expectations.
It's strong but delicious on the tongue.
I have...
...decided not to drink it...
...but to bury it in the garden.
Chapter seven in which Jacob is taking care of his house
and performs some spectacular tricks.
The mysterious maiden will help him to get back his strength and peace of mind,
by means of some healing ants in the Lord's garden.
Wait!
Ouch! That hurts!
Has she beaten you again?
She thinks I sleep with you.
I know how to treat it. Tomorrow it'll be gone.
Who taught you to write?
Your grandfather.
He also taught me the names of all the capital cities.
Why have you never attended school?
I didn't speak for a long time.
I was born this small.
There are ants over here.
Don't kill them.
I have them everywhere.
That's good. They are healing you.
But I don't have any disease.
It doesn't matter. They will find something.
Chapter eight in which Jacob will meet a certain Jean Jacques Rousseau
and they will make a good deal.
He is also told about tragical consequences of progress
and about wonderful pleasures of poverty.
Hey you! I need you!
Me?
My name is Rousseau. You will help me.
This new technology just gets on my nerves.
Progress means nothing but decadence of humanity.
You should take it to some service place.
No way!
That would mean that I have accepted the present state.
Oh, my Lord. Set us free from knowledge
and impose on us innocence and poverty.
Do you think it would help us?
We all are victims of fake self-respect.
We don't live while we try to convince others that we do.
Stop saying that bullshit.
We will never make it to that wedding this way.
Don't make me nervous. You see I'm working on it.
This is the result of our pathetic education.
I wish you had met her several years ago. She was such a good girl.
Holy simplicity, a pure soul.
And me, a fool...
I have taught her to read and to write.
Since then, there is no way to put up with her.
Shut up!
Once again!
Silence!
You've broken it.
I told you I didn't know much about cars.
You've destroyed me. What am I going to do now?
Is that yours?
Mmmm.
I will borrow it!
But I need it.
What for?
This luxury is a punishment for we have dared to abandon holy innocence.
I will tell you something.
A man of nature, that lives a real life, guiding himself by true
feelings and not by stupid social convenience, does not exist any more.
Come on, come on. Don't leave anything here.
Hurry up!
Let your spirit grow in wisdom.
Chapter nine in which Jacob and his father will pursue a quest of knowledge.
He will suffer a transformation of body and soul.
Various songs will be sung.
When do you plan to get up?
This is some mail from the school.
You should have been teaching for three days already.
Where have you been?
How did you get here?
By bus.
The tomcat has disappeared.
Varu?
I poured some milk for him yesterday. It's not been touched.
Father was crazy about boxing.
He broke my nose two times.
I'd like to set fire to this whole place.
Your Teresa came to see me.
What did she want?
She brought me a box of chocolates.
Very nice person.
I like sewing for her.
Don't move!
You know, women don't excite me any more.
I look at those nasty pictures in magazines, too...
...nothing!
And what about you?
When will you get married?
You should have some kids.
I would play with them.
Why did she come to see you?
She told me she's getting divorced.
You two would make a nice couple.
What have you done to me?
I told you not to move.
I look like a complete idiot.
How can I talk to my customers like this?
It's your turn.
Where's your car?
I've traded it for this one.
What make is this one?
I don't know.
I've never driven a car.
But I wouldn't be afraid of driving this one.
What are you doing?
We have to switch seats.
What for?
Try it.
What am I supposed to do?
Put your foot on the gas.
Which foot?
The lame one. Can you reach it?
Mmmm.
Release the clutch slowly.
Here we go.
You made a good deal.
You should sell the garden.
I've never liked that place.
I spent the whole time on my own there.
Father was always playing some trick on me.
He hung me from a branch and left me there till I was totally exhausted.
He wanted you to be a man.
He also dropped me in a well with a candle.
I don't even know why... I nearly drowned.
When I was fourteen I fled to the Czech Republic.
And I learned the craft there.
When will you return to school?
I'll tell them you're sick.
They don't know how to play!
What should they play for you?
For example...
[singing in some foreign language]
Or some Latin tune.
Is that what you like?
Pay attention!
It's so fucking nice out here.
Chapter ten in which the bodies of Jacob and the mysterious maiden
will merge by means of a paradise fruit.
Jacob will get rid of lady Teresa in a vile way.
He will be using fire to send mysterious messages to the Universe.
Argentina!
Buenos Aires.
Madagascar!
Antananarivo.
Malaysia!
Kuala Lumpur!
God bless you, apple tree!
I saw a big white caterpillar yesterday evening.
She was squirming among the trees, eating everything in her way.
I was inside its belly.
Such pleasant warmth was there...
You were there, too.
Why don't you leave her?
Where would I go?
Leave me alone!
Are you alright?
I just want to wash your feet.
Don’t touch me! Stop!
Stop it!
Everybody wants to "just touch me..."
They're just dirty...
For potatoes we owe our thanks
to Mr. Francis DRACKE...
Drake.
...Francis Drake, a Dutch captain who has brought the crop
from the American country to our European lands
in the year of our Lord 1586.
I've washed my hair in nettle.
I feel dizzy.
Potato bread is also good for fighting off hunger.
During the preparation, add some caraway,
so that the bread is more tasty.
Paul, Michael, don't get dirty, ok?
Don't show your face for a while!
Good morning. I'm Teresa’s husband.
Can we come in?
Go and play!
Nice Autumn.
But the winter will be hard.
Wasps have spread too much.
I know, I've talked about it with the ants.
How long have you known each other?
I don't know.
My father makes dresses for her.
How is it that you "don't know"?
It's been nearly two years.
My wife wants to destroy me.
She says that you sleep with her.
Do you sleep with her?
With her?
No.
What do you say?
You don't have to be ashamed in front of him.
Tell him how you screw me every week.
Be serious! Do you sleep with her or what?
Don't get me wrong but with your wife I wouldn't be excited at all.
And you should stop making up...
You are such a bastard.
Watch your P's and Q's!
Don't you believe me?
I'll show you if he's fucked me...
Leave me alone. I'll show you now!
Teresa, don't be a fool!
Leave me alone! Leave me alone!
Stop!
She takes everything too personally. She's very sensitive.
Nice garden.
I bet it'll give you some twenty liters of plum-spirit.
Chapter eleven in which Jacob meets wise Wittgenstein
and, by means of his erudite speech, considers his own situation.
What are you doing here?
I've covered you so that you don't get cold.
I got lost and some man told me he would show me the way.
I was walking with him on a nice straight road...
Then we got lost and the man said:
"Now you have to find your path yourself."
Then he just disappeared.
I have been wandering around here the whole night.
And before sunrise I ran into you.
It's nice here.
My father buys places like this for people from Viena.
Wittgenstein - if it tells you anything.
Would you sell it?
Noooo.
Do you feel sick?
That's good.
I think that nowadays education diminishes human ability to suffer.
Today a school is good only if children spend a nice time there.
Ability to suffer is not seen as valuable.
It is supposed to be useless.
How much would you ask for it?
And how much would you pay for it?
I don't know.
It's not worth much here.
There's nothing around.
No shops, no hotels...
No car-rental...
I haven't seen a school either.
There is a school.
But what do they teach there?
All the new stuff.
Nobody is aware that first, all previous things have to be sorted out.
And then what's already known, shall be put in order.
At least, sell me...
... some tree.
It's yours.
I have two conditions only:
You cannot knock it down...
...and you cannot keep me from doing anything with the tree.
I am really glad.
But what will I give to you?
Take this book.
It's a good book.
When a man has a problem
it's like staying in a room he can't get out of.
He tries the window but it's too high.
He tries the chimney but its too narrow.
And then he looks around and sees...
...that the door has been open the whole time.
Wonderful, isn't it?
Don't you have any problems?
Yes, I have.
However, what is not to be said is to be kept in silence.
I understand.
Chapter twelve in which Jacob, tortured by his consciousness, will show understanding,
and he will heal the soul of the mysterious maiden.
Varu, the cat, will contribute with his magic power, too.
What do you want, antichrist?
Where is Helena?
She's not at home.
Look what you've done to her.
She's been like this for three days.
Has she eaten?
She doesn't take anything to her mouth.
I pray for her.
But the Lord won't listen to me.
Helena.
I know she's going to die.
Last night the Angel of Death appeared to me.
Do you want some water?
Varu...
I'm thirsty.
Chapter thirteen in which Jacob, cleaned, will become a tree.
He will also fight a big battle with his father.
They will come to a blissful reconciliation thanks to the mysterious maiden.
Stay with me here until winter.
I can't.
Why?
Rabbits would eat me here.
Now you are safe.
Stay with me.
It isn't possible. I have to go back to school.
Do you recognize me?
You are my father.
Do you know who you are?
Now I am a tree.
I'd like to whip you.
Is he nuts?
No.
It's me who has a screw loose.
Here. This mail has arrived for you.
What's there?
They don't count on me at school anymore.
They've fired you, yes?
What is it?
Bird milk.
What's wrong now?
Put it on.
But what...!?
You piss me off!
What kind of man are you?
What's the matter, father?
You left me alone, in that town...
I could go crazy in that deserted flat.
And I have to take on all your bullshit.
What bullshit?
What "what"?
And what about Teresa?
Customers are running away from me.
I look like an idiot.
I'm exhausted.
Go and lay next to her. I'll sleep here.
It's not necessary.
Sit up, please.
She's pretty.
Age is an ugly thing.
Chapter fourteen.
In the beginning of this winter I have started to give classes in the local school.
Helena is a good student, too.
She is really interested and able to acquire vast knowledge.
She's been teaching me all the things that overcome comprehension in our real world.
What is she doing?
She's flying.
Finally all is the way...
it ought to be.
Subtitles by Matej Hochel